The "Man Box"

Shouts to Mr. Nappington for the link.. This ish is real.

I was doing a training exercise for work last week, during which the facilitator said "With regards to your sex, do you feel more or less privileged in comparison to others?" Then all the participants were to move to either side of the room based on how they felt.

As I stood on the right side of the room with the more privileged group, I understood that I indeed had more "privilege" as a man in the U.S. than a member of the opposite sex. But I couldn't help but feel less "privileged" to be a man in the U.S. Being a man imposes certain constraints socially and emotionally, yet also imposes an expectation of certain attributes that are supposed to be imbued in us at birth.

I personally celebrate machismo, aggressiveness, brawn, pride, extroversion, and all the other things that red blooded American boys and men are supposed to have. I grew up on that stuff, watched it on TV. It's why I'm so competitive and love sports. But for me, there was always a time and place for that. So it's frustrating to constantly keep up a front, trying to be more of these traits than you actually care to. The insecurities this behavior can build are devastating, yet as men, we are never taught how to handle them. "Brush it off," they say. "Man up."

The definition of a man is evolving. Maybe in time, if men learn to confront their feelings instead of shying away from them, we can learn to be as productive with our lives as our female counterparts. Let's substitute the cell with a dorm room.

And shouts to Tony Porter, one of the few Black men I've seen on TEDtalks!

On Happiness...

I had some trouble writing this, and in fact rewrote this post several times. So I apologize for the delay. Let me know if it resonates with you or if it doesn't.

So it would be impossible for me to write one blog post on something like happiness and think that I have covered all that I feel on the topic. I do know that happiness will probably be a recurring theme in many of my posts though, and I'd like to posit a question or two about it.

Why is happiness so important?

It is so important that it was decided that it should be one of our three inalienable rights. Nothing should get in the way of our pursuit of happiness as citizens of the United States... in theory. It's funny because I actually think liberty, or freedom, encompasses our other two rights just fine: Freedom to live, freedom to pursue happiness; in short, freedom to do as we please. But I digress.

What does happiness mean to you?

To me, happiness can be the result of an experience: getting a new toy as a kid, new clothes, a car, graduating high school or college, getting married, etc. Happiness can also be a state of being, the level of which may be different for different people. For some, it may be loving everyday of your life. For others, it may have to do with merely being content. For others still, it may mean to just not be depressed.

How can we achieve happiness?

Happiness comes with a certain sense of fulfillment. There is personal fulfillment that brings us happiness, as well as fulfillment relative to others. For example, much of the things that contribute to our happiness as U.S. citizens do not contribute to the happiness of, say, the Dogon people. This is particularly important to me because I often feel we, as privileged U.S. citizens, impose our perceptions of happiness, based on our traditions and values, on people of other nations who have dissimilar traditions and values. However, I digress again.

We can see now that happiness can mean several things, and can be the result of passive as well as active events. What people are typically more concerned about is how to actively be happy: again the "pursuit" of this happiness.

I stated in my last post that I believe some sort of search awaits all of us at some point in our lives. We may go on multiple searches, and these searches may manifest themselves differently for different people. The object being sought could be concrete and material for some, a person maybe for others, or an idea, skill, or feeling for still more people. But it is our choice whether we want to take part in that search or not. By doing so, we advance our cognition and learn, whether it be about our surroundings, other people, or ourselves and our values and beliefs. Nonetheless, while in that search, we are in a state of want... a period of unrest.

It is not until we find what we are seeking that we can reap the happiness that comes with this fulfillment. It is that period between searches that perhaps we are indeed the happiest. When we are not concerned with learning. When we are confident in our knowledge. And perhaps more importantly, secure in our ignorance.

I believe this quality is what separates doers from thinkers. Productive people from the lethargic. The great from the mediocre.

Still, these are incomplete thoughts. I plan to revisit some of these ideas and claims, but for now, I'd like to know what you think.

Searching for Godot

New Title!

Took a long time to come up with, but I think this one better suits what I initially set out to achieve with this blog; namely, to facilitate dialogue on an array of topics that hopefully provoke deep thought about ourselves and the world around us (with humor and BS intertwined here and there of course).

"Searching for Godot" is an allusion to the play by Samuel Becket, Waiting for Godot. I couldn't use the actual title of the play itself as a URL because it was taken (-__-), but "searching" is more active than "waiting", and thus perhaps a better verb anyway. For a brief minute, I settled on the name "Searching for Zenn-La", with Zenn-La referring to the utopian home planet of Norrin Radd aka the Silver Surfer in the popular comic. But I decided to refrain from putting the official geek stamp on what may likely be a semi-geeky blog. (I thought it was kinda cool though..)

Aside from putting my ideas out there to the public, one of the primary purposes (if not THE primary purpose) of this blog is for me to learn more about myself and my beliefs... A little selfish I admit. Nonetheless, I invite others (YOU) to embark on this journey as well. In our society, we are often not permitted time for self-discovery. Instead, productivity and action are virtues that reign supreme. But sometimes, we need a time out.

I believe at some point we all are on some kind of search. I know I am. For what? I have no idea, and I probably won't know until I find it. If you have never searched, then perhaps you haven't learned enough yet to want to. That is not to say that you should learn more; you may likely be very happy, and I am probably jealous of you. But for those who have searched and have found, I can only imagine the peace they have attained.

New Years Resolutions/Bucket List

It's a new year!

That means it's time for resolutions. And since we only have one more year to make the most of our lives before the apocalypse, well--

--What's that? Oh.. you don't believe the end is near??

Just look at all the mass animal deaths that occurred within the first week of this new year. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.

But all jokes aside, let me share what I hope to accomplish this year, in hopes that you all will do the same:

1. The usual: Eat healthier, exercise more, drink less, take more risks. Boom. Straightforward.

2. Specifically, get my weight down to between 205-210 lbs. I'm currently at 220, and I'm no stranger to the gym, so this shouldn't be hard. However, I am accustomed to losing weight the wrong way... namely via dieting methods I learned from my high school wrestling days that, while very effective, I would never recommend. So I do imagine that losing and maintaining weight the right way will indeed be a challenge. I always found healthy eating and exercising habits hard to start, but much easier to maintain. I've started already.. so I'm banking on that.

3. Start this blog (check). This was in fact a New Year's Resolution of mine. I'd been thinking about it for more than a while now, and though nothing about the blog is finalized, I thought it best to just dive in head first (pause?) and figure out the details later. Let me know how I'm doing.

4. Get a 40 on the MCAT. Yep, this negro wants to be a doctor! 40 is ambitious, but I honestly believe it is possible with enough practice. And if I aim high and fall short, let's just hope it ends up in my favor. Wish me luck!

5. Read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and other books. My twin from another mother recommended this book to me, and it's right up my alley. It will be difficult for me since I am a super slow reader, and I actually can't recall the last book I've read cover to cover.. unless greeting cards count. Hopefully this one will keep me stimulated the entire way through (pause, again). I just picked it up Friday, so I'm excited to get back into the habit. Not to mention the verbal section of the MCAT is also the most difficult section for me, so I'll need to start reading as much as possible to prepare.

6. Date more. I don't do it enough. When I wasn't working full-time, it was because I was broke. Now it's because I'm lazy.. The fact that I have absolutely no clue what to do when it comes to the opposite sex I'm a little rusty may play into it just a little as well. Needless to say, it's over for that. I can clean up decent when I want to; I can't let that potential go to waste! I already got chicks on deck too, shout out to L.R. (LOL).

7. Clean up my internet footprint. I was informed yesterday that by googling my full name, an old tweet of mine comes up where I quote Chris Rock off Kanye's album saying, "Got damn.. who taught you how to get sexy for a ni**a??" Yikes. I wanted to see for myself, and not only was this true, but it was the 4th link in the search results! Ehh.. That's no bueno. Gotta keep my government clean so I can sell my soul to the Man later.

8. Save money. I know how to BMF like the best of them, and it's so easy to do so in NYC. Luckily, that's not my problem. I thought directing my funds toward my student loans was a more responsible way to spend my money, but I realized that my aggressive method to get out of debt was just another way to BMF, but way less fun and more stressful. I wasn't giving myself any room to save money or live comfortably. It will be impractical to clear my debt before heading to med school, and none of that will matter come Judgment Day next year anyway, so there's no point in killing myself trying to pay it off. It's time to get my priorities straight.

...And I think I'll just leave it at 8.

Anyway, to the few people reading this so far.. Feel free to mention your own resolutions below or anything you want to say, because I want to know! Are any of mine similar?

If I get no comments.. I'll be upset.

Hi, my name is

Nnaemeka Echebiri.

Or Emeka for short. Many of my friends call me "Meka" (like the Muslim city), which often lends itself to several other nicknames, for better or worse.

Nigerian by blood (Igbo Kwenu!), but born in the Bronx and raised in Harlem (Dipset!). Definitively Black but educated in predominantly white institutions. College D1 jock and self-proclaimed intellectual--who doesn't like to read. A rationalist that willingly submits to emotion. Frustratingly indecisive but desperately in need of answers. Human.

I tend to be that guy in the background, blending in and rarely partaking until the time is right... but always observing and taking notes. Admittedly, I'm at times the nice guy that finishes last, but I promise I will always finish strong. I'm competitive by nature, and I believe anything can be accomplished through practice and dedication. I aim to be skilled in anything I do; and if I don't have the tools naturally, I will find a way to get them somehow.

I'm not yet sure what the purpose of this blog will be, but I imagine it will shape its own identity in its own time, and in the process generate a much better title. Yes, I am taking suggestions!

In the meantime, Welcome to "Things I Like n Shit" and..

Happy New Year!