Monday, I went to a screening in Harlem for the film "The Prep School Negro", a tale of one man's battle between two world: his poor Black roots, and the privileged white culture he envied and became accustomed to as a student at the Germantown Friends School. A great film; you can find out more about it here.I went to the screening with two high school friends and a group of guys whose flag football team I joined this past fall. And while we only became acquainted a few months ago, in the short time that I've known these guys, I am happy to call them friends. One of them actually already blogged about this outing of ours, which you can read here. I'm unashamedly swagger jacking him right now with a post of my own.
What drew us all to this film was the fact that we were all people of color that went to prestigious prep schools ourselves, all eight of us. We knew the experience firsthand, a tale that often goes untold or misunderstood, but was all too real for us.
Anyway, after watching this telling of our life stories, instead of staying for the question and answer session with the director that followed, one of us suggested that we grab a bite and discuss the film amongst ourselves. I thought that'd be a great idea in theory, but filtered the message as "Let's go eat and BS for a lil". I should have known better.
I was pretty compelled by the content of the film and wanted to meet the director, so I stayed behind to listen to a few questions and told everyone I'd meet up with them in a little bit. What struck me most about the film was how deep the director went into his personal life, the details of which were far from glamorous: He grew up without a father; his mother worked in a factory that his classmate's father owned; he lived with a mother and sister who not only did not understand his experience going through prep school--he believed at the time they did not sympathize with it either. Ouch.
He eventually did find a place where he felt he did belong, his "white family". He often visited and stayed with the family of one of his best friends from Germantown Friends. He found affection, acceptance, and self-esteem in this family, feelings he did not get from his own. And while some people would pull his Black card and call him a white boy or a sellout, who can blame him from going where he was happy?
Years later, however, he is making this film that confronts his regret for "losing his Blackness" and not developing a strong relationship with his immediate family. But was that really his fault? That being said, was it his family's fault? The school's?
I left the Q&A session after the 5th long-winded question, stomach grumbling, mouth watering, and ready to eat (...). I wondered at what fine establishment I would be meeting the other guys, when I got a text from my friend that said, "We're at Burger King on 125th". As I read the text, I thought to myself,
So I walked my bougie ass past Sylvia's, Red Rooster, Lenox Lounge, Harlem Lanes, and other viable, classy venues, and entered the home of the Whopper to find an empty restaurant save the four tables my friends occupied, where they were having a serious round table discussion about the film. The debate was so intense, I dared not interrupt to say "hi" upon arrival. I just put my stuff down quietly and went to the register to order.
When I sat down, I didn't know I would be in for a two and a half hour conversation. But I chowed down on my jalapeno cheddar stuffed steakhouse, listening intently to comments on race, social pressures, and the struggle to belong. And amidst thoughts of "Got damn, this burger's good," I realized that the reason we could even have an impromptu conversation like this was because we had all been through the same experiences. It's the same reason I connected with these dudes so easily over the past few months. The only other people to whom I feel a natural affinity like this are fellow alumni of Prep for Prep.
We come from schools where Black people may number in the single digits. We'd be a minority in any other circle. We talk "white". It takes a long time to actually take pride in these traits. And while we tend to notice how much we might not fit in elsewhere, at this Burger King we fit in perfectly with each other. Yes, our small fraternity of prep school negroes.
First and foremost, y'all going to burger king is exactly why black owned establishments are disappearing in Harlem lol. But that is neither here nor there.
ReplyDeleteAs for your experience(s) in those elite private schools--it is pretty intriguing to hear about. You ponder over who is to blame for the director ingraining himself in a white family instead of his own. The easy answer--but also the right one = "it's a combination."
At the end of the day, we will never know what his path would have been if he didn't experience the culture of his vanilla comrades. He may have been just fine or he may have ended up less of a man than he is today... who knows?The true question that we should is ask is, "How are we going to handle these situations with kids of our own."
I for one, am the first in my family to be educated in predominately white institutions. And you and I both know that once we were at Cornell the heterogeneity in the black male population was very visible. I.e., those who don't associate with other black males (the frat house token black friend who lets his boys call him nigger), those who only associate with black males, and those who are able to find balance in the middle (who I consider better off...no bias).
I really wonder how my 'seeds' will turn out. My bad if I took the conversation on a detour but f*$k it because you had one too many double barreled questions.
@cagbi2000: I don't want to put their names out there, but the other 2 Dalton heads that came out were those '04 lovebirds lol. I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. The rest of the crew were heads from St. Paul's, Dwight Englewood, and one from Padeia (sp?), a prep school in Atlanta. The college makeup was Wesleyan, Cornell (me), and Dartmouth. I'd rather not go into the long-winded questions but some were suggestions about where to go with the film--the version we saw was a work in progress; others had to do with his bravery in coming forth with his personal story.. and I don't remember the rest lol. As for resolve, I believe one of the main points the film made was about the lack of empathy these elite schools had with these underprivileged students of color. Unfortunately, not everyone like us at these school had a network like we did with Prep for Prep. And that was necessary for us especially, entering that system so young. Imagine how hard it would be to handle going from Dalton to the hood without that support. These schools want students of color, but they remain ignorant to the consequences these students face in attending these institutions.
ReplyDelete@De'sean: Thanks for keeping it real. We need those black-owned establishments lol. But yea, I think you're right; it is a combination. And I think my above response relates to your comment as well. I personally can't place "blame" on anyone of the parties involved in the director's situation, because I don't think any of them did anything wrong. Unfortunately, we don't know all the answers when we make certain decisions, and we can't predict the future. His experience is one that unfortunately is not unique to him and was perhaps inevitable. But we learn from our pasts, and I think this film was the director's attempt (and success) at trying to reconcile his own. While things are only now coming full circle for him and his family, I think we, as young men who've seen the different sides of this dilemma firsthand, will be better equipped to prepare our kids to handle this situation in the future. At least I hope.