My Experience on Death Row

Troy Davis was just killed 8 minutes before I wrote this sentence.

I know it's been a while since I've written on this thing.. but tonight I felt compelled to do so. Bear with me; this post is being written on pure impulse and emotion.

I tweeted a little while ago that I couldn't imagine being Troy Davis tonight, as he waited on the Supreme Court decision, and then on his impending execution. The truth is, as odd as it may sound, I think I know exactly how he felt.

I had a dream a month or two back that made tonight's events seem like deja vu: I was with some college friends, hanging out late at night, when we encountered some 'troublemakers' on the way home. Long story short.. they stepped to us with weapons, and we defended ourselves with weapons, killing two of them. We had a very speedy trial (or lack thereof, I don't remember) and were convicted of murder and sentenced to receive the death penalty within the next few days.

My friends and I were educated brothers, with an extensive support base that had our back. Although I was in shock that we were on death row, I thought to myself there must be some way out of this. And I'll find it, with the help of my family and friends. There was just no way I could die this soon, this young, and with so much potential to do good in this world. We tried an appeal; it made the news, but it was to no avail. Instead, execution day came swiftly, and we were moments away from meeting our fate. And that's when it hit me.

I was going to die.

I remember looking at one of my friends who was waiting outside the death chamber, surrounded by his crying family. He would go before I would. We gave each other a last, long look, as if to tell each other to be strong when we were both noticeably terrified. In those moments, they were executing a couple of boys.. not the men they thought we were. I was in disbelief that a split-second, thoughtless decision could lead to such an ultimate outcome as this. I was furious at myself for having made the decision, but even more furious at the system for what I considered to be it simply making an example of me and my friends. And lastly, I trembled with fear and even more anger, knowing that my life was in someone else's hands and would soon end, even though I was not yet ready.

Someone determined that my life was not worth living.. I was expendable. And I had no choice in the matter. No way to fight against this outcome.

I was going to die... ... ... Soon.

I was going to die.

That was some heavy shit. Thank goodness I woke up at this point, though the dream felt so real, the feelings lingered throughout the next week.

Why do we still have the death penalty? How is there a double standard for murder, the most serious offense against the law? It baffles me beyond belief.

R. I. P. Troy Davis, and all others killed in the name of justice.